


Byleth has a 13 Inch Wiener

by Laevatein



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:07:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24522847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laevatein/pseuds/Laevatein
Summary: Byleth aka the swordsman aka the three-legged beast aka the slinger aka etc. etc. sends girls to the infirmary.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	Byleth has a 13 Inch Wiener

**Author's Note:**

> By popular demand, I've brought this story here. Enjoy.

**Byleth has a 13 Inch Wiener**

" _ Oh my, I bet you're popular with the ladies." _

" _ Wow, it's huge!" _

" _ I… I don't even know where to start!" _

" _ Goddess, you weren't joking, huh?" _

" _ I think I need my friend to help me out with this. Can I invite her?" _

" _ I- I'm sorry, but I can't do this! Not with something like this!" _

" _ Mmm, looks delicious…" _

" _ Oh Goddess, what a monster!" _

" _ Just where exactly do you keep this thing all day long?" _

" _ This guy can fit in your pants?" _

" _..." _

" _ I wonder if it'll fit in my mouth…" _

" _ No wonder you're a swordsman!" _

" _ Gee, you never told me you had three legs!" _

" _ Have you ever killed someone with this?" _

" _ S-so big!" _

" _ Oh, Goddess… haha, I'm salivating!" _

" _ Gah, it just slapped my face! That hurt!" _

" _ What am I supposed to wrap this thing up with? A blanket?" _

" _ I want to have your children." _

" _ Has someone ever… uh, died on this thing?" _

" _ Woohoo! Yeeaaaah!" _

" _ Look! It's bigger than my arm haha!" _

" _ This… can't be right…" _

" _ It looks so scary!" _

" _ Is it gonna kill me?" _

" _ It's so hard and tough! Very manly." _

" _ I'm not sure if it'll fit." _

" _...I'm leaving." _

" _ I can't even wrap my hands around it." _

" _ J-just be gentle." _

" _ Manhandle me. Please." _

" _ Mmm, I'll never be hungry again." _

" _ I used to like girls only. This changes things." _

" _ H-how can it be so big? That shouldn't be possible!" _

" _ I need you inside me  _ now _." _

" _ If you put it on my face, I don't think I'll be able to stand up!" _

" _ Wow. I'm at a loss for words…" _

"Destroy  _ me." _

" _ Okay, be honest. How many girls have you been with?" _

" _ I'm not sure if the three of us can handle all this, mmm…" _

" _ How many women have you killed with this thing?" _

Byleth was well-endowed. That much was certain.

He was also no stranger to sex. Perhaps it was a surprising fact considering how quiet he generally was. Although he was a man of a few words, he was a mercenary, and the mercenary lifestyle came with some benefits. It wasn't a topic generally discussed, but putting your life on the line for a price could sometimes involve payments that weren't strictly limited to physical money. A town needed protection for a night, the barmaid was on him. A smaller village required raiders to be put down, the tavern had girls lined up for him. On occasion, a section of a larger city would request his deployment, and there would be courtesans in his temporary bedroom.

It was nice, but it wasn't something he considered important. It wasn't the main goal. The goal was generally to defend and protect people. As long as he and his father were safe and got enough gold to live on, he was fine with it. Honestly, he never considered anything more than that. Sex was a bonus.

His father laughed the first time he was offered a woman's touch after finishing a tough job. He was so young, he didn't understand what she meant when she said she would "take care of" him. When he looked over to Jeralt, his response was something along the lines of "it'll put hair on your chest."

But that was his past life. He was no longer a mercenary, but a professor. His mercenary tactics and fighting style stayed with him, but now his goal was to teach the students of Garreg Mach. And he loved his new life. It was full of bright-eyed, promising young students ready to learn, eager to train, and able to carry out tasks only the best of the best could dream to do. Life was good. Generally speaking, it was peaceful. Sure there would be an occasional bandit wipe, but usually, everyone was safe. The hard life of a mercenary was more or less over.

No more sleepless nights. No more excessive fighting. No more sleeping in random towns.

But his wiener stayed.

Yes, there was nothing he could do about it. Every day was still a struggle in that regard. No one talks about how difficult it was to shove it down his pants every morning. Sometimes he considered not wearing undergarments to give himself more "breathing" room, but he knew that would ultimately be a bad idea. He had already caught a couple of his students looking down there from time to time during lecture. It was embarrassing, but his position required him to be professional so he ignored it every time. He had considered going to the flea market to get larger pants that had more "wiggle" room, but every other time he went there to buy and try on said pants, it typically looked foolish on him. Plus, if he changed pants now, it would raise questions. How would he answer those questions?

He sighed in defeat, sitting up from his bed in only his stretched-out black briefs. Byleth looked out his opened window to the beautiful plains of central Fodlan. He could spot large fields of flowers blooming in the distance. He slightly frowned. It was a nice spring morning at the monastery and he would be damned if he would let his wiener ruin it! With newfound determination, he pulled off the bedsheets and began his day. He immediately went to his dresser to pick out his standard attire. He started with his pants, as usual, putting each foot through before pulling them up-

_ Riiiiip. _

It was exactly as he suspected. He had torn a new hole in his pants, frontside. Guess who was to blame?

The Goddess, however, did seem to have some mercy on him; the hole was small enough to not have to discard the pants altogether. However, the hole showed a perfect entrance to his wiener. He was glad his briefs were black, otherwise his underwear would be on display to all, leading little-to-nothing to defend against seeing the shape of the bulge underneath. He sighed. This was not the first time something like this happened to him.

However, it would be the last. Enough is enough!

He looked at himself in the mirror, still full of determination. He couldn't allow his wiener to ruin his life any further. He had to do something about this.

But what?

The professor brought his hand to his chin, his thinking stance in full swing.

What could he do? He couldn't go to the market to buy pants. Could he ask someone to sew the hole for him? That would solve the symptoms, but not the underlying problem. Maybe he could request a special spell from someone to reduce his size. But that wouldn't be ideal, especially since he had a feeling that whoever would want to cast the spell might get the wrong idea after taking a look. The fewer people involved, the better. Perhaps, this was a bit much- no, he had to resolve this issue. It was now or never. If he didn't take some risk, it would be all for naught.

Byleth brought his hand down to his side. He had an idea.

/

"A new pair of pants? That's your special request?"

Anna didn't seem too impressed. She and Byleth were in an inconspicuous corner of the monastery. No one would bother looking for them here. Although Anna thought the whole situation was bizarre, the allure of a potential sale was too much to ignore. And from the most popular professor in the monastery? That would definitely bring in more traffic. Byleth, on the other hand, wanted this to be over with as soon as possible. He had to walk around the holy grounds with his hand over his crotch. He tried to play it off to the best of his ability, bringing his coat to his front every now and then, walking at awkward angles, and taking different routes around the monastery to avoid as many people as possible. These were desperate times, however, and they required desperate measures.

Byleth nodded. "I need the exact same pair of pants, but with more room."

"Okay, two questions. One, why did you drag me away from my area of business? Time is money and the less people see me, the less business I can do. And two, what do you mean more room? You want a larger size? Why don't you just get one from the Archbishop or whoever and be done with it? Use your professor powers or whatever." Anna had her arms crossed. She was getting impatient. "Actually, I have a third question. Do you need to go to the bathroom? You've been walking around funny this entire time."

Byleth kept silent for a moment, but then sighed and looked her in the eyes. "I think it's better if I show you."

"What are- o-oh!"

"Yep."

He had unmasked the hole he was hiding. Anna saw the shape of him pushing against the poor fabric, stretching it mercilessly. Though she could only see the outline of it relative to the hole that was revealing part of his briefs, she didn't have to use much imagination to figure out the rest of the shape and length. Her eyes tried to follow his wiener from the starting point, namely the hole. He could feel himself getting annoyed when she chose to keep her stare for longer than she needed to. He faked a cough to get her attention again.

"Ah, um, I see…" She tried to play it off as though she was focused on his pants more than anything else.

Byleth didn't buy it, but he didn't care either.

"Can you get me the same pants but with more room down there? This is unbearable."

The redhead straightened herself up. "Of course! For the right price."

Byleth saw this coming. Anna had a reputation after all.

"How much?"

"3000 gold."

Byleth frowned. That was practically two weeks worth of pay. "Even  _ you _ know that's too much for a pair of pants."

The girl shifted her weight and put her hands on her hips, annoyed. "Do you have any other pairs of pants in your room?"

The professor's frown was replaced by an expression of concern.

"That's what I thought." Anna continued. "So you're coming to me, desperately dragging me into some creepy corner for something of black-market value while covering your pee-pee, having no back-up pants to fall on, and you're telling me the modified version of the very specific pants you want are too  _ expensive _ ?"

Byleth had no words.

"By the way, I'm doing you a favor." She added, "A modified pair of pants for you that will look exactly as you want them to typically takes days to get. If you want them delivered to you in an  _ expedited  _ fashion, that means  _ I _ have to do the leg work here.  _ I _ have to leave the monastery, find and talk to the tailor, push him to whip up a new pair of pants as fast as possible, walk all the way back to the monastery, and hand them over to you in secret. Not to mention I'd have to close shop for the entire day if I do this. That's an opportunity loss I have to cover."

The swordsman looked to the ground briefly, then quickly looked back to her. She had some good points. "Okay, I'll have the gold ready for you when you return, but-"

"How much do you have on you right now?"

He was taken aback. "I- I don't carry that much gold on me all the time."

"Just empty your pockets now. I'll get the rest from you later."

Byleth didn't like being haggled. Growing up as a mercenary, he was taught how to properly barter by his father, so he knew when he was getting the short end of the stick. But while Byleth had experience in the art of trade, Anna was a master. She had him pinned in this deal so he had no choice but to take all the gold from his person and hand it over to her.

"200 gold, huh? Well, I guess that's as much of an advance I'll be getting then." The girl spun around to begin her end of the deal, but not before Byleth spoke up.

"When should I expect the pants by?" He didn't know how much work would go into retrieving the pants he wanted, not before she spelled it out for him. True, he did feel foolish for expecting her to have the exact pants he wanted in her shop immediately, but if she had to go through all that hassle she described earlier…

"I'll give you your pants by tonight. Early tonight. Meet you outside your room, okay?"

Byleth swallowed hard. "I have a class to teach today. Is there no faster method?"

"Not my problem." She waved her hand as she walked off.

The professor looked back to the ground. It seems like his fears were coming to life. He would now have to teach his students with a hole in his pants.

This was going to be a long day.

/

Edelgard gently opened the door and made sure to quietly walk in before closing it behind her. The infirmary was generally a chaotic place considering how many soldiers came back wounded or not in one piece, but the past several weeks have been rather calm. The blinds were shut such that only a small amount of light entered the area, making the whole infirmary dim. It was nice to see the infirmary silent and empty.

Well, almost empty.

Bernadetta was awake, lying on a common infirmary bed. The bed was positioned comfortably such that it was at an incline so she didn't have to strain to see her visitors, but she still wasn't very happy with her circumstances. It wasn't that she was severely injured, but rather she was uncomfortable not being in her own room. It had been a couple of days now and her leg still hadn't healed. She asked to use crutches to continue her private life, but her house leader pressed her to not risk harming herself again. Staying in the infirmary was a sure way to prevent further recklessness. So she laid there, upset and concerned at the same time. On her left was the beautiful and foreign Petra. She couldn't help but admire how pretty her hair was and how diligent of a student she was in general. She was such a good friend. On her right was the gorgeous and popular Dorothea. She was so perfect, Bernadetta was convinced that she could have any guy be her boyfriend by the snap of her fingers. She was an amazing friend too. Bernadetta couldn't help but think how lucky she was to have friends like these.

Before she could entertain her thoughts any further, she saw Edelgard approach her directly in front, stopping just before the edge of the bed where her feet were.

"How are you feeling, Bernadetta?" The house leader asked, her eyes unusually soft and her voice barely more than a hushed whisper.

Bernadetta wanted to cry. She had so many friends coming to check up on her. It was overwhelming!

"Bernie?" The songstress asked with a semi-worried expression, urging the girl to respond.

"O-oh I'm f-fine. Thank you, Lady Edelgard!" Bernie half-bowed her head from her supine position.

"Please," The white-haired student frowned slightly, "Edelgard is fine."

"S-sorry!"

"You don't need to apologize."

"Y-you're right. I'm sorry. Oh, s-sorry."

Edelgard did her best not to roll her eyes. Instead, she looked over to Dorothea.

"What did professor Manuela say about her condition?"

"Well," The commoner began, "She's supposed to make a full recovery by tomorrow morning…"

Edelgard raised an eyebrow. "Is there something more?"

Dorothea gave a coy smile. A fake smile. "It's nothing."

The princess crossed her arms. "Tell me what it is, Dorothea."

Dorothea looked over to Petra before the foreigner decided to pipe up. "We have concern. We are worried about the accident."

Edelgard raised her eyebrows further.

The brunette sighed. "About how Bernie ended up here."

The princess let out a small, silent laugh. "Not this again, please."

"Edie, we're serious about this!"

"Yes, if the rumors are true, we are all in the danger!"

Edelgard looked at the two girls before looking at Bernadetta. "And what do you make of all this?"

"U-um, well I think it can hurt people. T-that's how I ended up here."

Bernadetta winced when she saw Edelgard pinch the bridge of her nose in response. She guessed that wasn't the answer the leader wanted to hear.

"So let me get this straight. You all are saying the professor put Bernadetta in the infirmary because his…" Her face showed a tint of red now, "... _ penis _ accidentally hit her on the thigh when they bumped into each other in the halls? Do you understand how ridiculous that sounds?"

Dorothea gripped the patient's hand firmly, getting a small "ow" out of her. "Edie, that  _ thing _ can hurt people. You shouldn't take your eyes off of it for too long!"

"I am in agreeance." Petra grabbed Bernadetta's other hand, earning another yelp from her, "It is very large and powerful. I am surprised you have never noticed it."

Edelgard blushed harder. "That's because I have no salacious desires for my professor. I have no need to look at his private areas and, quite frankly, it is disgusting of both of you to be staring at him down there."

"But Edie, it's  _ huge _ . Like, it's a hazard to ignore it."

Petra nodded. "It has cost us our dear friend here."

"B-but I'm still a-alive-"

"I don't have time for nonsense rumors." Edelgard shook her head. "Class starts in 15 minutes. I just wanted to see how Bernadetta was doing. I expect to see you two in class and paying attention to the  _ teacher _ , not to his… ugh."

The princess walked out of the room, visibly uncomfortable as she turned to gently shut the door again. Dorothea looked at her remaining classmates before clearing her throat. "I don't know how anyone can pay attention to the professor in that class. I can't  _ not _ look at him down there, can you two?"

"I cannot."

"I-I can't either. I have a huge bruise on my leg because of it. I-it's hard to ignore now…"

/

"Now if you'll turn the page to 314, you'll see two variations of Reginald's Gambit. The high tide takes advantage of more "aqueous environments", including fog. The low ground maneuver is not as effective, but it is more often seen in combat than the high tide version. Can anyone tell me why?"

The Black Eagles classroom responded with silence. There were some murmurs in the back of the classroom, but that was about it. The more invested, studious attendees often answered the questions the Byleth proposed, but occasionally, they found themselves stumped. Even Edelgard was puzzled with this one. Naturally, if the more invested students couldn't answer it, the less invested students wouldn't be able to answer either. However, the rare occasion arose where one of the more careless students would answer to get the class the laugh, breaking the ice.

"Any guesses?"

A few of the students looked at each other before speaking up sporadically.

"It takes less time?" Caspar shrugged.

"No, but good guess. Anyone else?

Ferdinand stood up from his seat with confidence. "It is the superior method because it would convince the enemy forces to reconsider their offensive strategy, leading to a potential surrender. Quite a noble solution, if you ask me."

Byleth shook his head. "No, not quite."

Caspar chuckled at how quickly Ferdinand was shot down. Even Hubert smirked.

There was a bit more silence before Byleth continued. "The low ground maneuver is  _ safer _ . It is arguably the better choice if you are not confident with how to deal with the opposition."

Caspar breathed out harshly. "I knew that one…"

"Be sure to remember that." The teacher continued, "You'll see it on the exam. Now, considering the high tide variation, the fog present may be a challenge to work with if you do not have a mage on your team who can cast fire or thunder. In such a scenario…"

The sound of notes being written down could be heard across the room. Ferdinand and Caspar were scribbling down as much as they could as fast as they could. Ferdinand would go over his notes enough until he felt confident enough that he would score higher than Edelgard on the exam (which had yet to happen). Caspar would go over his notes 20 minutes before the exam. Perhaps surprisingly, Hubert was even taking notes. He was familiar with battle formations, but if he ever learned anything that would benefit Edelgard's leadership, he would write it down and study it. Edelgard herself was diligently taking notes as per usual. She  _ did _ actually read the chapters ahead of lecture, but Byleth's questions often required critical thinking and the answers he would look for were not ones that the book would have written in bold. Or at all. The princess glanced over to her right to see Dorothea…  _ not _ taking notes.

Edelgard stopped taking notes herself when she noticed this. She looked at the songstress's eyes, seeing where she was looking. Edelgard was only half surprised when she saw that Dorothea's focus was on the professor's lower half.

" _ Ugh" _ Edelgard rolled her eyes. " _ That stupid rumor." _

She glanced over to Petra who sat behind the two, and sure enough, she was staring in the same vicinity.

The princess closed her eyes briefly before looking back to the professor, focusing back to his words. Or at least she  _ was _ going to before she noticed something. There was a small stack of books on the professor's table, perfectly blocking the view of his crotch.

She blinked.

" _ No.  _ No.  _ I'm not going to partake in these perverted rumors." _

She shook her head and looked back at Byleth's eyes. His eyes were experienced and determined, his face both handsome and stoic. She imagined his chest was firm and strong, just like his abdominals, both probably covered in scars as proof of his experience in battle. His penis-

"Ah!"

The professor stopped as everyone looked at the princess.

"Is everything alright, Edelgard?" The lecturer asked, tilted his head slightly to the left.

The imperial princess realized that her yelp was not internal too late. Calmly, she brushed strands of her hair behind her ear, and responded peacefully. "Yes, of course. I apologize for that."

Byleth looked at her but then continued with his lecture once again. "So, who can tell me when would be the best time…"

Edelgard's eyes went back to his crotch, or rather the stack of books in front of his crotch. He hadn't moved from his spot behind the desk. If anything, that was enough to get her curiosity.

"You see the books too?" Dorothea whispered, neither of them taking their eyes off their target.

"Yes."

"Do you believe us now?"

The two patiently waited until Byleth's attention went to the other side of the classroom again.

"No. Not yet."

"W-" Dorothea silenced herself. She accidentally spoke up a bit, but thankfully the professor didn't seem to notice. She tried again, this time whispering, "Why not? Something is definitely weird here."

"I agree. Something is off." Edelgard pretended to write something in her notebook. "I still believe you all are being foolish, but I wish to get to the bottom of this."

Dorothea smiled her usual smile, still not taking her eyes off the books. "Let's talk during the lunch break."

/

Petra, Dorothea, and Edelgard all huddled in a small circle, their heads practically pushing against each others'. They had approximately one hour before lecture resumed. Though the afternoon session would be slightly shorter than the morning lecture, giving the girls more time to discover more about their professor's unusual circumstance, they didn't want to waste any time needlessly. Something fishy was going on and they figured the weirdness wouldn't last forever.

"If the professor is hiding something, he will be very secretive." The princess with the fishtail braid stated with confidence, "He might be hiding in his room like Bernadetta. We must confront him there."

Dorothea grew a look of small concern. "I don't think we need to confront him in his own room, Petra."

"But it is the best way to learn what he is hiding." Ah, Petra. So straightforward. It was part of her charm.

"I think it would be better if we went in with a little more finesse." The brunette smiled and winked, bumping her hips against Petra's.

The foreign princess wasn't oblivious to her action, but she still seemed confused. "Fin...es…?"

"She means we should play it safe and be subtle." Edelgard answered for the songstress. "The less direct we can be, the better."

"Oh, I see… finesse…" She repeated.

Edelgard then looked to Dorothea, "So what plan do you have to capitalize on this 'finesse'?"

The brunette kept her coy smile. "Simple. I'll just talk to the professor about some homework."

"Would you care to elaborate?" Edelgard almost crossed her arms.

"Well, if it's anything like my private tutoring time with professor Hanneman, I'll just sit down with professor Eisner somewhere private. After a question or two, I might 'accidentally' drop a pen, loosen a button off my top- wearing my extra cushiony, lingerie push-up bra of course-, tell him how handsome he is, it's really nothing too special."

Edelgard had to fight hard to not roll her eyes. Of course Dorothea would use her assets in a situation like this. "Exactly how many unopened buttons do you have left on your blouse?"

Dorothea's smile didn't waver, but her eyes grew wider. "Oh Goddess, don't tell me you're  _ jealous _ Edie."

Edelgard almost said something she might've regretted later, but she caught herself and instead replied, "No, of course not." Pathetic. She could've said anything else in retaliation and it probably would have left her with more dignity. Was Dorothea right, though? Was the imperial princess jealous because the songstress was more developed than her? Edelgard had been told she was beautiful (yes, beyond Sylvain and Lorenz), but it did bother her that most boys in the monastery would often ogle and try to spend more time with Dorothea simply because she had bigger boobs and a nicer butt.

"I'm teasing, Edie." She laughed, "Goodness, no need to be so serious."

The princess felt her face go red, but she still let a bashful smile show, albeit briefly. Regardless of her feelings, Edelgard knew that Dorothea was a good friend. In fact she could probably say the same about nearly all of her Black Eagle classmates. Although she had larger ambitions, coming to the monastery offered a nice reprieve from the complicated politics she was destined to deal with. It allowed her to form proper friendships, to an extent. If-

"I am having a question."

The two other girls glanced over to Petra.

"What is a… laun… lin… ger-a?"

"Lingerie." The busty woman corrected. "It's like very sexy underwear."

"I see. I have gratitude for your explanation." Petra nodded and smiled before looking down at her breasts and grabbing them, even jiggling them a bit. "Lin… gerie…"

Both Edelgard and Dorothea became a bit uncomfortable when Petra continued to touch herself longer than they would've liked, but neither said anything about it.

"So," the brunette tried not to appear disturbed, "What are you two planning then?"

The emperor-to-be flashed a quick smile. "I'm going to ask him to demonstrate a tactical maneuver during lecture. There's no way he can refuse if he's a good teacher and there's no way he can hide anything if he properly shows off the technique. Plus, this way, he'll show all of us so we'll have multiple witnesses for confirmation. It may come at the cost of some humiliation, but I'm sure the professor won't care ultimately."

"Oh, Edie, that's  _ genius _ ~" Dorothea sang. "I'll feel a bit bad for the boys in the class who'll witness his huge package, but it's the price of discovering the truth!"

"Package?"

"Don't worry about it, Petra."

Petra nodded. "Very well. I like your plan very much!"

"Thank you," Edelgard brushed more strands of her hair behind her ear. "Did you have a plan as well, Petra? Other than 'confronting him in his room'?"

"Ah, I will ask him for help with the language! It will work." She gave her friends a smile.

"That's perfect."

"Oh~ I'm so excited I can't wait to see it!"

"I wonder what  _ it _ is."

The girls stopped and turned their attention to the fourth voice. It was Ferdinand.

"I'm not sure what you three are planning, but it's quite obvious that you all are up to no good." The nobleman ran his hand through his hair, "Huddling together like this right outside the classroom isn't the most secretive decision ever."

The girls frowned at him, all resuming their upright posture. "Why are you bothering us right now Ferdinand? Clearly you can see we're busy." Edelgard spoke up.

"Isn't it obvious?" The man extended out his arm in a dramatic fashion. "You are hiding something of grave importance from everyone. I didn't catch it all, but there is something sinister going on, I can just tell."

The women kept their glares on him. He had no idea what he was talking about.

"It's fine, we can resolve these issues, I'm sure. As a noble, it is my duty to show you the errors of your ways so you can return to the path of good and righteousness. You might be asking yourself 'how did he know'? Well, it might sound strange, but as a noble, I, Ferdinand von Aegir, can feel it in my noble blood when-"

He was interrupted when Dorothea walked up to him slowly, her glare replaced with a dangerous smile.

"Ferdie?"

"Yes, Dorothea? What is it?"

"If you don't walk away right now, I'm going to break your balls."

"...As a noble, I also have a solemn duty to make sure my laundry is clean. I will go check on that right now." And with that, he began walking, then running away.

Dorothea turned to her friends, everyone now smiling.

"Thank you for taking care of that. I have to deal with that every day, so it's nice to see someone else tell him off every now and then." Edelgard couldn't stop smiling now. It was a small smile, but a smile nonetheless.

"Yes, I like Ferdinand, but he can have annoyance sometimes." Petra chipped in, "You are baddest-ass, Dorothea."

Dorothea winked and put out both her hands for a double high-five from Petra. This wasn't the first time the girl from Brigid was exposed to a high-five and, after some previous training, knew what to do. She successfully clasped hands with the songstress.

"Thanks girls! Now, let's not waste anymore time. We have a penis to expose!"

/

Byleth remained seated at his desk in the Black Eagle's classroom. The hole in his pants was safely hidden underneath the table. He was safe for now. His lunch bag was on the table and ready to be opened. Yet, despite his hunger, he hadn't reached for his meal.

Those girls were all staring at the books. Did they notice? Were the books too obvious? He couldn't think of a better solution given his time-crunch. Dammit. What could he do? This was so embarrassing. He saw the three girls outside the classroom doors talking earlier, but they were too far away for him to eavesdrop and had dispersed shortly after. Could they have been talking about him?

He was considering just getting up and retiring to his room for the hour lunch break but ultimately decided against it for two primary reasons. One, if he attempted to walk all the way back to his room, he would have to walk awkwardly and take unusual routes just like he did this morning, putting him at risk of being caught. Not to mention he would have to walk back to the classroom within the hour, putting him at risk even further. Two, he usually stayed in the classroom in case any student wanted to ask him questions between morning and afternoon lectures. If he wasn't there this time, it would add to any suspicion.

He took a deep breath in, and then out.

It was fine. Perhaps he was overthinking the whole thing-

"Professor~"

Damn.

Dorothea skipped her way up to Byleth, humming a tune along the way. Byleth opened his mouth, but then closed it. Something was off, but he wasn't sure what just yet. She promptly reached the opposite side of his desk and stood as tall as she could, puffing out her chest, smiling her usual coy smile.

"I have a question about our most recent assignment. Can you help me out?" She puckered out her lower lip a bit.

Ah. She was flirting. Surprise, surprise.

However, Byleth was no stranger to the charms of women. He had been with enough to know all their tricks. The songstress was after something and Byleth needed to figure out what it was fast. With his defense up, the swordsman quickly saw it. She had more cleavage revealed. In addition, he also caught a slip of her large, expensive, baby-blue laced bra which seemingly caused her chest to nearly spill over. She probably let her bra be slightly exposed on purpose. She was even tossing her hair back to make sure her bust was constantly in sight of the professor. Also… was she wearing a tighter uniform?

Thankfully, Byleth could see all this within a split second. His experience allowed him that, saving him from having to  _ stare _ at her. Dorothea might've been beautiful, but she was young, and would have difficulty wooing him.

"Of course," His eyes were fixed on hers now. "Have a seat."

"Great!" She bounced. On purpose of course.

Dorothea did as she was told and took a seat right in front of Byleth. She knew he saw "the goods", but she wasn't sure if he cared. He only looked briefly and his expression was never wavering. At least not in front of the students. She carried on with her plan. It was too late to quit now.

"Thank you. So, about the uphill-flanking tactics, do you think it should always be led by defensive units?"

Byleth hadn't moved. As long as he didn't, he would be safe. "Uphill pushes should typically be avoided altogether, but if it can't be helped, I think it is wise to have defensive units on the frontlines during the flank, yes. Anyone who can handle ranged attack preferably." Honestly, he was considering whether he should write Dorothea up for wearing her outfit in such a revealing manner. The Church was surprisingly lenient with their dress code but this was too much.

"Oh, okay, I just wanted to be sure- oh!" She pretended to have been suddenly hit with another thought. "I have another question, but I have to draw it out." If she could get him to stand up by the chalkboard, she would most definitely get a better view.

Byleth, however, was prepared for this. Pulled out a spare sheet of paper from his desk drawer and motioned for her to grab the quill that was currently in an inkwell, all neatly organized and ready to go on his desk.

"Oh… um, thank you." She sounded defeated. This was good. Byleth was ahead of the curve here.

That was, until she began to lean over and press her elbows together. Goddess, she was pulling out all the stops. She "incidentally" squeezed her breasts together while grabbing the quill with one hand and firmly holding the paper down with the other. It looked like her chest was going to explode. Admittedly, Byleth had to resist temptation. He was experienced, but he was still a man. He focused on the paper as hard as he could.

Dorothea's smile grew wider when she saw the tiniest blush on her teacher's face. She even showed some teeth. "Professor, what would it look like if a formation came to the right side of parallel barriers, even if two smaller left formations were in place?"

She drew two straight lines, parallel and horizontal across the page. She then added a semi-circle at the right end of the paper, the semi-circle's open side facing the lines.

Byleth frowned. "I'm not sure if I understand your question."

She let out a small sultry laugh. "Sorry, let me explain better…" The brunette leaned over even further. She was practically on the desk now. In fact, if she stopped drawing and looked up at the professor right now, she could kiss him. Thankfully, she kept her face down.

"What I mean is…" She completed her drawing by adding two semi-circles at the left end of the paper, the semi-circle's open side still facing the lines. "Where would be the best position to start from when trying to get the most out of this situation?"

Byleth's frown stayed. What was sh-

Then it hit him. What she drew was a crude picture of a penis. He looked at her and immediately noticed that she wasn't trying to look at the picture anymore. No, she was trying to lean over the table to see his junk.

He immediately jumped back from his seat, but ended up falling down on his rear. The paper got caught in the wind of his momentum and flew around in the air. This was Dorothea's moment. She swiftly leaned over the desk as far as she could to see…

...that her paper gently landed directly on top of her dear teacher's crotch, perfecting hindering the view once again.

Although she was disappointed, she couldn't help but comment. "My, my professor, you certainly have quite the formation there!"

/

"And now I have detention."

Edelgard sighed as Dorothea finished relaying how her mission was a failure, though it sounded like she had a lot of fun along the way. Maybe it wasn't a total loss for her.

"Have no fear, Dorothea. We shall be victorious." It was nice to hear Petra still had confidence after hearing the story.

"Yes, I'm sure we can still get to the bottom of this." The imperial princess added, "We still have time."

The commoner, now back in her normal attire, bounced with glee. "I'm counting on you two!"

Both Edelgard and Petra nodded as the other Black Eagle students slowly but surely made their way back into the classroom. Well, just Caspar actually. Ferdinand  _ was _ walking back, but quickened his pace when he saw the three girls catch his glance again. Hubert was, of course, a distance away from Edelgard at all times, not too far or too close. The imperial princess would guess that he was hiding behind a pillar, watching over. He was always so overbearing. She would have to talk to him about that. Finally, Lindhart never left the classroom. He had been asleep during morning lecture, lunch, and would probably be asleep until the bell rang to signal the end of afternoon lecture. She would have to talk to him too. This was her duty as house leader to make sure students were doing well in didactics.

The three girls returned to the classroom and took their respective seats, Edelgard and Dorothea in the front, Petra a row behind the two. Byleth remained seated until all his students were back in the classroom. He looked at Dorothea with his usual stoic expression, causing the singer to uncomfortably sink into her seat further. His eyes could see through her so easily it would drive her crazy sometimes.

"Welcome back. We'll finish our discussion on formations today." Byleth stood up, his crotch still in front of his books, "Tomorrow we'll go into more detail about how these formations came to be, followed by commonly used military equipment associated with these formations the day after. Make sure to review properly because your exam will be at the end of the week. Any questions so far?"

Edelgard raised her hand, but not before Caspar did.

The professor pointed to the boy with blue hair, then the princess. "First you, then you."

"Is the exam multiple choice?"

Edelgard felt like slapping Caspar for no good reason, especially when she heard him repeating "please say yes, please say yes," under his breath.

"Most of it is not."

Caspar let out a small croak of languish at the harsh truth, earning a small chuckle from Hubert in the back. Guess he was going to have to study more than 20 minutes before the exam… 40 will do.

"Yes, Edelgard?"

The professor was looking at the house leader, ready for any question she had. The princess took in a small breath.

"I apologize for bringing this up so late, but I'm not sure how to open with Philip's Gambit if I'm using a sword. I know I specialize in axe-warfare, but I'd still like to see how I would start combat with a sword.

The princess felt the corner of her lips turn up when she saw the professor freeze. Even if it was for a split second, she had him on the run.

"I know the general concept, but I have trouble visualizing it." Her eyes flashed wickedly. "I think I need to see a demonstration."

"I can show you how it's done!" It was Ferdinand. Byleth thanked the Goddess.

" _ Of course. Why would anything go according to plan?" _ Edelgard wanted to kill the noble as he stood up. Caspar wished he had a gold coin for every time he said the word "duty". Linhardt snored loudly for a brief moment.

"Naturally, it is up to I, Ferdinand von Aegir, to show any student how things should be done. It is my duty as a noble-" He made eye contact with Dorothea. The singer had the same smile she had when she last mentioned his private parts.

"Uh- I mean, Philip's Gambit? A-actually, I'm not too sure myself." He breathed out a shaky laugh and sat himself back down. "Sorry professor, please continue."

Edelgard and Byleth had their expressions reversed.

"...Of course." The instructor grimaced as he took his sword out and took a step away from the books. Just one more step before all was revealed. Then, suddenly, his eyes glinted with hope. "Ferdinand, I'll need your help for this demonstration. Grab a training spear from the back."

The two girls in the front of the class were not happy. All of Ferdinand's fears disappeared at his teacher's words. He stood up with a giddy grin. "Yes, of course! Naturally, it would make sense to have another combatant for this demonstration. I, Ferdinand von Aegir, have an obligation- a  _ duty _ to make sure my fellow classmates learn proper form and technique!"

Caspar drew another line in his notebook. So far, that made 14 "duties" that week.

As the redhead walked energetically over to the training weapons in the back of the room, Petra quietly questioned why Ferdinand always said his own name. Did someone forget who he was?

Ferdinand stood in front of the class with a wood training spear in hand. It was a wide-headed spear with a sturdy grip variation. Byleth confidently walked away from his desk and books to meet with his student up in front. The hilt of his sword was positioned perfectly over the hole in the man's pants. Edelgard was livid. Byleth kept the sword's hilt near his crotch, but lifted up the tip, pointing it towards Ferdinand. Dorothea tried not to think dirty thoughts.

"Ferdinand, I'm going to slowly approach you. Do whatever you need to do to make sure I don't land a proper hit on you. I would strongly recommend to keep your spear low unless my actions suggest otherwise."

The noble lowered his spear to the point it was only a couple inches off the ground, near his professor's feet. "Like this?"

"No, higher. If you're too low, it's likely your spear will catch on something during combat. It may hit a rock or a dead body. It'll throw off your balance. That would be a fatal mistake."

Ferdinand brought the spear higher, right around the teacher's crotch level. "Here?" It was blocking the view of the hole from Edelgard and Dorothea so perfectly, it was a wonder how the two didn't scream right then and there. Unfortunately, this was only worse for Petra, as she was further back on top of everything else.

"Exactly." The professor gave a rare but quick smile, "Again, I urge you to keep your spear around that level."

Byleth turned to face Edelgard, who was trying to look at his crotch. She quickly glanced up to his eyes, but it was too late. Even though his face was stoic as ever, his eyes said "I caught you." Her face immediately went red.

"Watch closely, Edelgard."

Dorothea gave her friend a sympathetic look, but only briefly before the two men began combat. Edelgard could be embarrassed later. Now was her chance to see it.

/

Hubert was doing his best not to approach the girl he swore his life to serve. He felt every fiber of his being screaming at him to console her (and maybe kill Byleth), but he remembered the last time she scolded him for being overbearing. Additionally, she had told him not to approach so brazenly when she was with company. So there he stood, three pillars away from her, watching carefully. He would prepare her favorite cup of tea one she retired to her room. Yes, that would be good enough for now.

Three pillars away, both Dorothea and Edelgard were sitting on a bench right outside the house classrooms, heads down, moping. Petra was standing in front of the two, a small look of concern on her face.

"This is not the ending. We still have time!" Goddess bless her soul for trying to cheer them up.

"Every strike, every block… how is it possible?"

"Spear or sword, his goods were always out of sight…"

They weren't listening.

"We were sitting in the front. How could we not see it?"

"I need a bath. This day is just too much…"

Petra put her hands on each of her friend's shoulders.

"Fear not my friends. I shall get the victory for us."

Both Edelgard and Dorothea looked up to the cute foreign girl.

"Oh honey, I'd hate to say it but I don't think it's possible." The songstress had mixed emotions on her face. "You saw what happened during lecture, right?"

The white-haired girl looked up to Petra as well. "I agree with Dorothea. I don't want to say it, but if the professor is skilled, methodical, or just  _ lucky _ enough to avoid any exposure during that act, I don't think we'll see anything today."

Petra's eyes widened a bit. "I have shock! Edelgard, Dorothea, I thought you two would never give up!"

The other two girls kept looking at Petra.

"You two must never be concerned about defeat. You must have belief in yourself! Dorothea, do you not remember the time you lost your underwear, but found it days later?"

"...I do." She frowned in confusion.

"Yes. You did not give up on finding them. You searched and searched. You even asked for help and eventually you found it! It was hard, but you found it. You also gave Caspar the… uh, 'ass-whooping of the century', yes?"

The songstress giggled and stood up, her smile returning to her. "I certainly did."

"Edelgard," The princesses locked eyes, "Do you remember the last mission we were on where you defeated those three bandits all at once?"

"Yes, it was only a couple of weeks ago."

"It was difficult, was it not?"

"It was. Mainly because Bernadetta chickened out and started crying in a corner. I still feel a bit bad for yelling at her about that, but it's in the past now."

Petra nodded. "It was difficult, but you pushed through and obtained success! Our circum- uh... circumstances now are similar. This is a difficult task for all of us, but we must continue to try until we succeed!"

Edelgard stood up, meeting Petra at eye level. She was right. It bothered Edelgard how easily she was shaken up by such a minor defeat over such a trivial thing, but it mattered not. She was the house leader. She couldn't allow herself to sulk any further. She had to lead the charge against Byleth's privates.

"Girls." She said, reinvigorated with newfound determination. "We're gonna see a penis today."

"Well, well, well…" Of course. It was Ferdinand von Aegir. All three girls displayed a mix of anger, embarrassment, resentment, and shock at the sight of him. "Imagine my surprise when I, Ferdinand von Aegir, overheard that three of the most beautiful and talented students in the monastery intend to bastardize the good professor's name by exposing his unmentionables. I'm sorry, but that goes against everything noble. I must ask you all to stop this nonsense immediately. Of course, if you don't, I'll have to report this. After all, it is my duty, as a noble, to do so."

"Ferdie…"

"I just can't seem to understand why you three would want to debase yourself in such a way. Well, it matters not. I just have to do my part and make sure you don't become further influenced by such corrupt thoughts or my name isn't Ferdinand von Aegir. And it is. It honestly sickens me how some nobles ignore their duties-"

/

Petra felt a tiny bit of guilt for what happened. Rubbing her own hands helped relieve some of the tension, but nothing could get the sight of Dorothea kicking Ferdinand in the balls so hard (he started shaking once he fell to the floor) out of her head. Hell, Petra felt bad that Dorothea didn't seem to even  _ care _ .

Regardless, now was not the time for those thoughts. Now was the time for action.

The girl from Brigid walked up confidently to her professor, who had remained seated after class had ended. He always stayed after class to make sure any extra questions students had were answered clearly in case there was not enough time during lecture. Or, in Bernadetta's case, if a student was too shy to ask a question during lecture.

"Professor."

Byleth looked up to see Petra looking back at him.

"I am having trouble with the language. Are you having time to help me?"

"' _ Do  _ you  _ have _ time to help me.'" He corrected her while extending his hand to offer her a seat. "And yes I do."

"Thank you. I have gratitude." She took the offered seat.

Byleth glanced out the window, noting the sunset. He knew that today's lecture took up more time than expected, especially with Edelgard's requested demonstration, but he never meant for the students to be in class for so long. They were in class so long, Lindhart actually woke up  _ before _ it ended. He needed to talk to that kid about sleeping in class...

"Of course. Now, what exactly did you need clarification with?" The swordsman looked back to Petra. He would need to leave soon if he was going to meet Anna on time to retrieve his new pants.

"Wiener."

Byleth almost fell over for a second time that day. "I- I'm sorry?"

"Oh, what are you apologizing for?"

"No, I meant..." He regained his composure. "What did you say?"

"Wiener." Petra repeated, "I don't quite understand the word. The girls mention it quite often."

The professor blinked his eyes hard and shook his head. "Could you give me more context? Tell me more." In the case that she was talking about something not appropriate, he would need to buy himself a bit more time if he were to answer properly.

"Oh, wiener-dogs. Many of my friends say this when they see one of the monastery dogs running around. Yet, they do not say this with all the dogs. Why is this?"

Byleth felt a wave of relief come over him. It was something completely wholesome!

"Ah, yes. Wiener-dogs are a type of dog with a longer body. Their body shape looks like a wiener."

"Like a wiener?" In all honesty, Petra was still trying to figure out how to take a peek at Byleth's crotch. She hadn't really thought through a proper plan as her friends did. However, she genuinely found herself being caught up in learning more about the language. She would have to be careful to not get carried away. "I still have no understanding."

" _ I still don't understand _ . So let's think about it in a different way. Are you familiar with what a sausage is?"

"Oh, like a meat sausage the dining hall serves!"

"Yes, exactly." The teacher exhaled, finally getting through. "Wiener is synonymous with sausage."

"Sy… synon…?"

"The same. Wiener is the same as sausage."

Petra looked like she was deep in thought. "So then can I say sausage-dog?"

Byleth let out a small chuckle. "Technically, yes."

His student smiled as everything "clicked" together in her head. "I have understanding now!"

" _ I understand now _ . And I'm glad." He smiled. He really did love being a teacher. "Was there anything else?"

Before Petra could answer, a certain blue-haired boy waltzed into the room, approaching the two. He had not a care in the world as he began whistling upon the sight of new company. "Hey professor, hey Petra."

"Hello, Caspar." The girl waived.

"Caspar. Did you have a question?"

"I did, but I can wait." He said as he pulled up another chair next to Petra. "Take your time, you two."

Petra smiled. "I will try to not take too much time. I only have a few more questions."

Caspar nodded. "Let me guess, you're asking about the language."

"Is it having obviousness?"

" _ Is it obvious _ ?" Byleth corrected.

"Oh, uh, is it obvious?" the princess repeated.

Caspar laughed and ran a hand through his hair. "It is now."

"I see!" Petra reciprocated with a laugh of her own, "Perhaps you can help too, Caspar."

"Ask away then."

"Ah, okay. I believe it is better if I see one, but…" Petra trailed off, seemingly lost in thought again. Both blue-haired men looked at each briefly before looking back at her. They were both wondering what she could possibly be thinking.

"May I see your cock?"

The two men looked at each other again, then back at her.

"Petra!" Caspar exclaimed.

"This is definitely not appropriate." Byleth narrowed his eyes.

"It… is not?"

"I-"

The professor calmed himself before he got carried away. Perhaps she didn't know what she was actually saying. "What do you think a cock is, Petra?" Caspar was eager to hear her answer as well.

"Oh, I believe it is a rooster. A male chicken, yes?"

"That's… right." Caspar answered, still concerned about the situation.

Byleth crossed his arms, but he still wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. "Then why did you ask such a question? Do you think I have a rooster?"

"Ah, this is the part I have no understanding of. Cock is a rooster, but the girls always talk about how all men have cocks. Is this true professor? Do you have a cock? Caspar, do you also have a cock?"

"Uh…"

"Oh boy!"

"Also, cocks have different sizes. A bigger cock is often better. This is what my friends are saying. Do you have a large or small cock, professor? Can I see it? Is it currently in your room?" Her eyes were wide and full of hope.

"Ah…"

"Caspar, how big is your cock? May I see yours?"

"P-petra! No!"

"But why not? Am I not allowed to? Oh yes, I was told you hide your cocks. But why? Why do you hide your cocks? I was told cocks are typically hidden in your pants. But why not in your room? Why not with other livestock? A farm would be better, yes? Is it not healthy to put a cock in your pants? Can it still breathe?"

Oh, if only Petra knew of Byleth's plight.

"And why do only men have cocks?" She frowned, "Why can't women have cocks? It has no fairness. I cannot see your cock and I cannot have a cock because I am a woman?"

"Um… Petra…"

"Oh, Goddess help us."

Petra stood up now, pressing her hands on top of the edge of the table. She was engulfed in this suddenly heated (one-sided) discussion and had completely lost sight of her objective.

"Are women inferior in Fodlan? I am not having understanding." This was perhaps the angriest Byleth and Caspar had ever seen the Brigid native. "Women should have cocks too. Women can take care of cocks as well. I used to take care of cocks often back in Brigid. I would raise them so well, their meat was always tender! Everyone knew! I raised very delicious cocks!"

"Haha, P-Petra, please haha!"

Petra was glaring at Caspar. She moved over to him and began jabbing his chest repetitively with her index finger. The poor boy was fearful as he put his hands up defensively, but also couldn't stop his wheezing laughter and goofy smiling.

"This has no laughter, Caspar! Oppressing women is a horrible thing! Do you think women are weak? Do you think I am weak? Do you think I cannot handle cocks? I can handle many cocks! I can handle more cocks than you! Do you know what else Caspar? I can handle bigger cocks than you too. I will take care of more bigger cocks than you. I will raise them all myself and they will all be very tender and delicious. Do you know how difficult it is to properly raise a large cock? It requires more time and care. I am certain I can do this and you cannot."

"Oh, I'm sure you can!" The boy's words were betraying his fear of getting potentially pummeled by the girl. Sure, she was a princess, but Caspar knew she could fight. Dirty. And yet he was still provoking her!

The scowl on Petra's face was so fierce, even Byleth felt like leaving. "I am losing my resistance on slapping you! I- I- I will be bringing this up to the Archbishop. I have surprise she hasn't realized the way things are between men and women at the monastery."

Caspar was barely holding it together as Byleth held his forehead with his palm. This would take some explaining.

/

"I did not get the victory." Petra's voice was quiet, barely heard through her door. She had trapped herself inside her room that night in spite of Edelgard and Dorothea's protests. "I got the shame instead. I have embarrassment."

"Oh, Petra, it was just a misunderstanding. I'm sure Caspar and the professor have already forgiven you." The songstress's voice was so calm and soothing, Petra almost opened her door to let her friends in. Almost.

"I had forgotten about the goal. I lost sight of what I was doing. I am so foolish." Her voice was practically a whisper.

Even Edelgard felt bad about how much this was affecting her fellow princess. "Petra, please, don't talk so low about yourself." What happened to that confident girl earlier today?

"Please friends, I need some time alone... I have too much hu-, uh... humiliation."

Edelgard opened her mouth to speak, but a gentle touch on the shoulder from Dorothea gave her pause. The two girls looked at each other before the house leader spoke up. "We understand. Please don't be too harsh on yourself, Petra. We'll see you in class tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow, Petra. We love you!" Dorothea added, but to no avail; no more sounds came from Petra's room.

The taller girl sighed defeatedly as she began walking with Edelgard towards their respective dorm rooms.

"This day was just one disaster after another."

Edelgard huffed. "Yes it was. I'm exhausted."

"Me too, Edie. Me too."

There was a long moment of silence and footsteps.

Then, a small blush crossed Edelgard's face.

"I bet his penis is small."

There was only another moment of silence before both girls erupted into sudden laughter. It was as though all the tension they had accumulated throughout the day was immediately dissolved. It was nice to just laugh and have a huge weight lifted from their shoulders.

" _ Edie _ ~" Dorothea bumped her butt against the princess, giving her classic wink, "I didn't know you were so wild!"

The white-haired student continued letting little laughs slip out. "Considering we never actually saw it, I'm starting to believe there's not much there to see."

"Aaaah, Edie~" The singer couldn't stop herself from hugging her friend, "So fierce! Honestly, you're the best friend a girl could ask for."

Edelgard's face turned a deeper shade of red. "Dorothea, please. You're making me blush."

Begrudgingly, Dorothea let Edelgard go. She knew how the princess wasn't a big fan of physical touch. In fact, it took her a few months before she was able even to place a friendly hand on Edelgard without her tensing up. They had come so far.

The Black Eagles house leader was about to tell Dorothea something when they turned the corner bumped into someone. Edelgard took the hit, stumbling and falling down on her rear end.

Her first instinct was to raise a hand out to her side, signaling "stop" so that Hubert wouldn't fly over from the darkness and destroy whoever was responsible for this. Next, the pain registered. "Ah… damn." She winced as she rubbed her thigh. Strange. Though she felt on her butt, she felt the most pain on her thigh. Stranger still, she found difficulty standing up. What happened? Did something hit her thigh?

She kept her hand on her thigh, her eyes still on herself. Edelgard had a smaller stature than most, but her seemingly delicate frame was just a front; she was notorious for being an absolute "wall" when it came to combat. It was extremely rare to see someone knock her down during training, let alone get her to curse in pain. She could take a hit from anyone. Even from  _ Dimitri _ , the "king of strength". So what on Earth would have hit her so hard, she fell down  _ and _ felt a stinging pain?

She looked over and began with an irritated tone. "Wh-"

Then she saw it.

There it was. Byleth's massive shape.

The hole in his pants tore a bit further after bumping into Edelgard, showing more of his briefs and, of course, more of his manhood's extremely large outline.

She saw it. He saw her see it. Even Dorothea saw it.

More silence.

The professor wanted to extend his hand to offer her help in getting up, but his professionalism was shot down by embarrassment. His secret was out. And worse yet...

"Um… you have something…." Byleth pointed to his lips.

Edelgard was staring at his crotch so intently, she had barely caught what he said. When she finally registered his gesture, she brought her fingers to her mouth- oh Goddess she was  _ drooling _ .

She had no words. She felt her entire face light up. She might as well have been set on fire.

Thankfully, Dorothea was able to snap out of her trance-like state to rescue her friend. She swooped up behind Edelgard and began to lift her up from behind. "P-professor, Edie didn't see anything."

The singer looked over to Edelgard, who seemed to be lost in some other dimension. "We didn't see anything, did we, Edie?"

"H-huh? Wha- n- no of course not." Edelgard was delirious, clinging to her friend for dear life. "I don't know what you're talking about."

There was a bit more awkward silence.

"Very well then." Byleth cleared his throat. "We'll just pretend this never happened. Carry on then."

With that, the professor quickly left, briskly walking towards his quarters. Dorothea waited until he was far enough before talking. "Edie, are you okay? That looked like a nasty fall."

Edelgard legs were shaking, her lower body unable to support her own weight after a hit like that. Her eyes were fluttering as her body went limp in Dorothea's arms. "S-so big…" Were her last words before she lost consciousness.

/

Byleth continued to internally curse himself. He had done his damnedest to make sure no one would see his private area, and yet it was all for naught at the end of the day. He had to bump into a student. Two students. Two of  _ his _ students. Both of which got a relatively close-up look at his junk.

He took in another big breath before letting it out again.

"It was only a couple of students." He told himself. That was the fact of the matter. Truly, it wasn't a big deal if only a couple people knew. It's not like Dorothea would spread rumors and gossip- dammit.

Before he could think things through any further, he saw a line of people along the hall he was walking in. He had a curious look about him as the women in the line began to wave, wink, and even blow kisses at him. He immediately did his best to cover the hole with his hands. He continued to his room, trying to make sense of it all. The line of people seemed to be in the same direction as- oh no. It couldn't be. He turned the final corner just for his fears to come to life. There were at least fifty women lining up in front of his room.

He didn't have time for more internal dialogue when he spotted Anna in front of his door with a peculiar box in hand.

"You're late." She huffed. "And time is money."

"I apologize. I was, uh, delayed-"

Anna brought a finger to his lips, hushing him.

"Money talks. Not you."

Byleth sighed and nodded before he brought out his keys to unlock his door. He disappeared for only a moment before reappearing with a rather large leather bag full of gold. He silently handed the redhead the bag as she gave him the box. There was a bunch of hushed whispering from the women in line as the two made their exchange.

"Thank you very much!" Anna beamed a smile. Amazing how she could change her attitude at the sight- no, the  _ feel _ of gold. "Your patronage is very much appreciated."

"Aren't you going to check if I gave you the right amount?" Byleth wanted to kick himself after saying that. What good would come from saying that?

Anna smirked. "It's okay. If you short-changed me, I know where you live. Bye-bye now."

Byleth gave a weak wave as Anna departed. He felt relieved that the day was coming to an end, but there was still one last obstacle. Why were all these women lined up outside his door?

"I bet there's a whole bunch of aphrodisiacs in that box!" One of the women exclaimed.

A woman further behind piped up. "I bet it's a box full of protection… mmm…"

A third woman spoke. "Who would want protection from a guy like him? We should just let him ravage us!"

Byleth wasn't sure if he should be disappointed or shocked. Another voice cut in, interrupting his thoughts. This voice was familiar.

"Keep it to yourself ladies, we were here first." It was Catherine. Right next to her was her good friend Shamir.

The swordsman looked at the knight with concern. Both she and the archer were in front of the line. "What's going here?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Shamir responded for her partner. "We want to have sex with you."

"W-wha-"

"Yep. You've got quite the reputation." Catherine's smile grew more evil by the second. "We want to see if the rumors are true."

"B-but how-" He partially managed to croak out, nearly dropping his box.

"Just shut up and get inside." Shamir violently pushed him back into his room, causing him to fall. The box fell and opened to reveal his special pants. The archer caught sight of this. "Pants huh? Good thing you don't need those right now."

Catherine yelled out to the women in line, telling them they were there first and to "shut up" before closing and locking the door, leaving only the three of them in the room. Shamir was already taking off her shirt as the blond looked at the poor professor on the floor.

"You better treat us right. I don't want to be able to walk for the next week."

Byleth dryly swallowed.

/

Edelgard was staring at the infirmary ceiling. She was miserable. It was a beautiful brand new day and she was stuck in the infirmary. Certainly, she wasn't one to flock along the flowery plains of Fodlan, but she always felt restless when she wasn't doing anything productive. She should be in class right now, but instead, her upper leg had swollen up quite a bit, making her handicapped for the next several days. Bernadetta, on the other hand, switched positions with her; the young recluse was now free to walk about and get on with her life. Edelgard sulked a bit at the thought. Perhaps she was a bit too harsh on her. She should have been more sympathetic.

She had great friends though; just before class, Bernadetta, Dorothea, and Petra all visited her, gave her gifts and chocolates, and even wrote her "get well soon" cards. With all the excess stuffed teddy bears, pink heart pillows, chocolates, and cards, Edelgard looked like a cute, spoiled princess. She had to briefly explain to Hubert why things looked the way they did, but she also had the man tend to business for her while she was hospitalized. It was actually difficult for Hubert to even see her to begin with. He was insistent that he tended to the emperor-to-be immediately after her loss of consciousness. Manuela had to put her foot down several times. It was only a bit after she woke up was he allowed to see her.

She sighed. Although it wasn't a smooth ride, everything turned out alright at the end.

Well, except for one thing.

"Edelgard! It seems that you and I are now neighbors."

Yes, that was the voice of Ferdinand von Aegir. Although his voice was just  _ slightly _ higher.

"I am not sure how you ended up in the infirmary alongside me, though I am sure you know why I am here. Dorothea has very powerful legs. I am a bit shocked that she doesn't engage in more hand-to-hand combat. Then again, Dorothea seems to have lost her way. She was a good student before, but now she prefers to talk about men's unmentionables and kick them in that area. It is certainly a shame, but it matters not! It is my duty, as Ferdinand von Aegir, to make sure she comes back to the path of nobility. Although she isn't actually a noble, that doesn't mean she can't act like a noble. Speaking of which, you're a noble yourself, Edelgard. Why were you discussing men's unmentionables with Dorothea and Petra? It is very unbecoming of a noble to do such a thing. As much as I want to surpass you, I won't allow you to fall prey to perverted thoughts. Again, it is my responsibility- no, my  _ duty _ to make sure you are never debased by something so minuscule. If I just simply let you be swayed by wicked thoughts, I wouldn't be Ferdinand von Aegir. But that's the thing, Edelgard. I  _ am _ Ferdinand von Aegir."

He continued talking as Edelgard pulled up one of her many pillows to cover her face with.

She screamed.


End file.
